At this point I make resolutions on a daily and weekly basis. This once a year thing is a snapshot of the moment but it is by no means inclusive. My mind is so busy at this point that a day feels like a week and a week like a year. Months take forever to pass and measuring 365 days' progress in one post is insurmountable.
I realized last night about the nature of helping people and that people who want help are the only ones I can help. I had a hard time coming to this one as I believed I could help anyone. Our Christmas guest did not want help and we learned a lot about that.
People need to come to us. People need to pay for the knowledge and experience or they don't value it. People take it seriously if it costs, if it does not cost they discount it. I am not certain why this is nor does it matter.
I questioned whether or not we, as a species, are advancing or declining. As we move forward, the next day gains importance in equal proportion to the decrease in importance of yesterday. All moments are simultaneously gaining and losing value. By this same token, we are advancing toward something at exactly the same rate we are losing touch with something else. All things come and go at equal speed and, depending on your point of reference, take place slowly, quickly, or simultaneously. All things are.
Last night I realized that this house I live in is both a mansion to some and a hovel to others. Some of our things are very fine. Others are second hand junk. Our house is both beautiful and ugly. Our walls are yellow. This house is the most inviting place on Earth to some and off-putting to others. If this one place is simultaneously all these things, it is both everything and nothing.
If a place is everything and nothing at the same time, the only variable is the person perceiving the house. This house is a palace of wealth to some. My father would not stay here for more than 15 minutes unless his life depended on it. If the variable is the one perceiving and the only thing you can affect in your life is your own perceptions, would it not make sense to dwell on the magical miraculous nature of the world around you rather than dwelling on the negative and the down side?
Take this one step further, if there are no absolute views because every place is both everything and nothing depending on the audience, is not everyONE also everything and nothing? Your perceptions of me may be that I am ignorant and self-righteous. Your view of me may be that I am a gifted teacher. Your view of me may be that I am perceptive. Your view may be that I am delusional. All of these things are true based on your perception only. I am all of these things to various people. I have been called all of them.
If I take this information and turn it inward, the only perception that matters is my own. I cannot live to please others or even to be concerned with others' opinions. I can live only to understand and reflect on my own. If I am both ignorant and perfectly realized, why would I choose not to acknowledge the realized and enlightened state that I have attained and, instead, focus on the journey and the the things I don't understand?
Through letting go of the ego, in this context, I can be free to be all these things. If I am not trying to be enlightened I am not thinking about what enlightenment means. I am not thinking of all I have read about The Way and the paths and the countless lifetimes of study that people claim go into this kind of thing I am free to be what it is I am. As I am both ignorant and knowledgeable I can dwell in the knowledge and forget the ignorance.
This is where I am today. It is the culmination of several weeks' contemplation and many conversations.
In conclusion, for me to write resolutions based on this would be temporary and out of date in weeks.
I'm sure this will feel old and rushed 365 days from now. At the moment it is thrilling. Every moment is thrilling.