?

Log in

Diminution
diminution
..:.:.:..:
Back Viewing 0 - 10  

For the last few years my mind has been going at a million miles an hour and I have loved nearly every moment of it. The moments I didn't love served as valuable lessons from which I took invaluable wisdom.

 

These realizations have been coming so constantly, quickly, and consistently that I have not had time to journal them nor, do I think, people would have time to read them.

 

I'll write one example that leads the the announcement at the end of this message.

 

I have been having less and less Lotus Seed responsibilities. I have designed and installed the VoIP phone system between our home office and the 4 satellite home offices in the UK, I have put together a basic website (still needs improvement but that is for a designer with more skill than I have time to learn right now), we have a billing system, accounting is handled, we can take payments in nearly any currency in the world, collectively we can work with clients in three languages, and we are beginning work in earnest on sales and marketing.

 

That is my hint to exit. I am not a marketer or natural salesman. I am a writer and systems guy. We have a commission-based sales team. (If anyone is interested we have one of the highest commission schedules in the industry at the moment.) Further web design is out of my hands. I have spent years building everything that is now in place and it is working very well.

 

It is time for greener pastures. Fortunately these pastures are for the same company. These are the benefits of being self employed; I get to make up the jobs as I go.

 

From this day onward I will be locked in my office to write. The doors will be closed. The curtains will be drawn over my french doors; a signal to everyone that I am productive and not to be disturbed.

 

My writing work will all be based on the teachings of the Lotus Seed Process. I am now working in parallel to everyone else on the team.

 

Anyone who is interested in this journey is invited to befriend my new name: http://thewritinglotus.livejournal.com/

 

I would love to hint at the themes I will explore there but I have no way of knowing where this road will lead.

 

Thanks to everyone who has been a friend through the years. Friendly virtual friends are worth a whole lot more than you may think.

I don't know if you have ever done a gall bladder flush but it feels great now that it is over.

5 days of home squished apple juice (32 oz. per day).  Other food is allowed.
On night 6 1/2 cup of lemon juice + 1/2 cup of olive oil.  Mix this with some laxatives and 24 hours later, after a restless night of discomfort, and other discomforts, I feel great. 

Gotta love healthy innards! 

Go Healthy Innards!

At this point I make resolutions on a daily and weekly basis.  This once a year thing is a snapshot of the moment but it is by no means inclusive.  My mind is so busy at this point that a day feels like a week and a week like a year.  Months take forever to pass and measuring 365 days' progress in one post is insurmountable. 

I realized last night about the nature of helping people and that people who want help are the only ones I can help.  I had a hard time coming to this one as I believed I could help anyone.  Our Christmas guest did not want help and we learned a lot about that.

People need to come to us.  People need to pay for the knowledge and experience or they don't value it.  People take it seriously if it costs, if it does not cost they discount it.  I am not certain why this is nor does it matter. 

I questioned whether or not we, as a species, are advancing or declining.  As we move forward, the next day gains importance in equal proportion to the decrease in importance of yesterday.  All moments are simultaneously gaining and losing value.  By this same token, we are advancing toward something at exactly the same rate we are losing touch with something else.  All things come and go at equal speed and, depending on your point of reference, take place slowly, quickly, or simultaneously.  All things are.

Last night I realized that this house I live in is both a mansion to some and a hovel to others.  Some of our things are very fine.  Others are second hand junk.  Our house is both beautiful and ugly.  Our walls are yellow.  This house is the most inviting place on Earth to some and off-putting to others.  If this one place is simultaneously all these things, it is both everything and nothing. 

If a place is everything and nothing at the same time, the only variable is the person perceiving the house.  This house is a palace of wealth to some.  My father would not stay here for more than 15 minutes unless his life depended on it.  If the variable is the one perceiving and the only thing you can affect in your life is your own perceptions, would it not make sense to dwell on the magical miraculous nature of the world around you rather than dwelling on the negative and the down side?

Take this one step further, if there are no absolute views because every place is both everything and nothing depending on the audience, is not everyONE also everything and nothing?  Your perceptions of me may be that I am ignorant and self-righteous.  Your view of me may be that I am a gifted teacher.  Your view of me may be that I am perceptive.  Your view may be that I am delusional.  All of these things are true based on your perception only.  I am all of these things to various people.  I have been called all of them.  

If I take this information and turn it inward, the only perception that matters is my own.  I cannot live to please others or even to be concerned with others' opinions.  I can live only to understand and reflect on my own.  If I am both ignorant and perfectly realized, why would I choose not to acknowledge the realized and enlightened state that I have attained and, instead, focus on the journey and the the things I don't understand?  

Through letting go of the ego, in this context, I can be free to be all these things.  If I am not trying to be enlightened I am not thinking about what enlightenment means.  I am not thinking of all I have read about The Way and the paths and the countless lifetimes of study that people claim go into this kind of thing I am free to be what it is I am.  As I am both ignorant and knowledgeable I can dwell in the knowledge and forget the ignorance. 

This is where I am today.  It is the culmination of several weeks' contemplation and many conversations. 

In conclusion, for me to write resolutions based on this would be temporary and out of date in weeks. 

I'm sure this will feel old and rushed 365 days from now.   At the moment it is thrilling.  Every moment is thrilling. 

This is what I posed the last day of last year:

I have made the commitment to serving Good in any way I can. This is very ambiguous.

1. Thoughts are the impetus behind words and ideas. As we learn the power of our words, it makes it easier for us to guide and control our thoughts. The more focused and controlled our very thoughts are, the more power we have and the more we are open to divine guidance. Divine guidance, when we listen, is far more valuable than anything I would devise on my own. I am working to focus my thoughts more than I ever have before. I recognize that this is a simple concept and that there is no such thing as mastery. Improvement will be constant and ongoing as long as I keep this dedication in my consciousness.

2. Every action I take is a manifestation of my thoughts. I will do all I am able to to make sure that every action has the greatest positive impact possible. That is to say, everything I do will be to serve what is Good.

3. If every action serves Good, every action is meaningful. The benefits, to me and to others, are too great to list here.

This is my general response to all of them:  I am accomplishing all three of these with great effectiveness.  The implications could fill volumes and someday they may.  In the meantime, I'll say that I am making beautiful progress.  I feel that I am well on my path.

We went out last night to watch the eclipse.  We went to a place in the foothills outside of town.  It was cold but we were bundles up. 

A full lunar eclipse on the solstice has not happened since 1638.  It was amazing astronomically and astrologically.  My thoughts were extremely clean.  I got a ton of understanding.  It felt wonderful. 

I feel so much better even on 4 hours' sleep.

Vikki and I were discussing our Christmas plans.  How can we afford X and Y.  We had decided to do without gifts for each other; living in this house is enough, we decided. 

The conversation was about how we could possibly afford what we want to get for our daughters. 

One of our dear friends called just then.  She said "I am coming into some inheritance in spring.  I have some money in a savings account now.  I'll send you that now because I know I am getting more."  She sent £1,000 just like that!  Vikki spent the next 10 minutes crying and we spent the next half hour talking about how wonderful our friends are and how lucky we are to know who we do and how amazing it is that we have this life where the people we know are this wonderful and do these things for us. 

We have all we need for the girls, for each other, and for January's mortgage.  The electricity is on.  Our phones work.  We have gas in the car.  We have food in the fridge.  We have the people we love in our house sleeping right now.  What more is there to life. . .

It makes me want to work even harder to return the favor to as many people as I possibly can this next year. 

As hopeless as I feel the people are most of the time I sure do love individuals.  

One of my best friends from high school will be moving in with us in January.

He is a virtuoso piano player who can play anything by ear after hearing it once and that was 15 years ago. 

He has lost his path and has been doing door-to-door sales for the past year after leaving a tumultuous relationship.  He had not played in many years until recently.

He will be moving into our basement spare room and working for us in trade for rent.  I am extremely excited for this.  He has visited us 4 times in the last year and each has been a wonderful demonstration of our compatibility.  He is sensitive, extremely considerate, intelligent, and fun though he claims not to laugh when he is living in TX.  He hates TX and is eager to move back to CO.  We are eager to have him.

Sam lives in the basement and he was not willing to move here unless he talked with her first.  She said he could stay as long as he didn't clean the bathroom or use her flat iron.

We don't know now long this will last nor does it matter.  I am so blessed to have so many good friends. 

I am sitting here at my desk in my home office.  I have two monitors and a 4-line desk phone on a VoIP phone system I designed and put in.  Over my monitors I see four bookcases filled with wonderful books.  To my left are my bay windows overlooking the neighborhood.  I have several plants and a filing cabinet there.  Behind me is a wall with some of my favorite art.  The walls are yellow; a great color for productivity and energy.

It is 8:24AM.  I transferred 3 calls to one of our associates in England last night at 1, 2, and 3 AM.  Calls are coming.  It feels wonderful.

I sit here sipping my coffee.  I grind my beans with a burr grinder and brew my coffee in a French press.  I bought the beans from a local roaster after trying every brand at two supermarkets and not finding the one.  I add 1/2 teaspoon of raw sugar and I am happy.

Both of the kids are old enough to drive.  They need a few hours of certified training and then they can take their driving tests.  Certified instructors are not super cheap and the feast and famine of self-employment has been living up to its name.  Both of the kids want their licenses more than anything for Christmas this year even if it means not much under the tree. 

We have decided to take in a house guest this season.  A woman and her daughter from a local battered women's shelter will be living with us for almost a week.  They have nowhere else to go for the holiday.  We have gifts and a room for them.  The woman is already very happy as she says she has never seen something so generous before.  Her daughter is 2 and doesn't know a lot about things yet.  It feels good to have her coming.  She seems educated and well-mannered.  If I didn't know where Vikki had found her I would never suspect she had troubles at home.

It sure has been a long time.  I have been extremely busy for these past many months.

The house we rented went into foreclosure.  We moved the whole family to a 600 square foot hotel room.  We spent two months there.  Long story short we ended up back in the original house.  No less than 10 unexplainable miracles contributed to this event. 

I spent yesterday writing.  It was very productive.  We have classes.  We have people trained.  Vikki has no more clients.  Things are changing.  Our Englishman has left his old industry and is spending time building a new business for himself and working with us. 

I will always like lj better than facebook.

I just finished The Road this evening.  It is one of the most beautifully written books I have read.  The words he uses are apt and poetic. 

The story is one of the end of the world.  There has been some sort of a natural disaster that has left the world in a cloud of ash.  It could have been an asteroid or many volcanoes though it is not clear at all in the book.  The sun has been blotted out.  The food chain has been interrupted as there is no light available for plants.  The story takes place about 7 years after the event. 

It is the story of a father and son who walk, searching for food and hope.  Their relationship is touching.  They are everything to one another.

The descriptions are engrossing.  You can feel how the protagonists feel throughout.  There are many scenes that stayed with me hours after I put the book down for the night. 

I will not write anything about the ending unless someone else has read it and wants to discuss it. 

It is beautiful, somber, depressing, and it can envelop you if you read it without distraction.  I will read it again and I will probably enjoy it even more because I know what is coming next and can just immerse myself in the writing. 

I kept an active list of words to look up written on my bookmark. 

Back Viewing 0 - 10